09 September 2002 - Progress at last.....
After yet another early, eager, and well prepared start to the day (anybody believe that?) we left Amsterdam at about 12:30 (I know, I know!) happily fuelled on bacon sarnies and coffee. The torrential rain we had driven through the day before seemed to have cleared and the 500 mile run to Denmark began, complete with Al's IR film from Phil's fridge...

A couple of strange moments on the motorways in the north of the Netherlands later (try picturing traffic lights and swing bridges on the M4 and you'll get the point) and we were heading towards the German Border. On our way through Sneek (no, that's its real name) we got to see a porn movie being filmed - well, what would you call 2 naked girls by the side of the road being filmed by a bloke with a pony tail!

Only in the Netherlands... ;-)

5 miles from the German border and Al was involved in a bit of a road rage race against a pathetically ropey old Peugeot that had been sitting on his tail flashing its lights - a very German autobahn trick, usually. Luckily Dan pointed out it was an unmarked police car before it got too messy. A polite wave and smile (Schooopid Eeenglish Peeeg Dogs, etc etc) and the crossing into Germany was conducted at a civilised 69 mph with a police escort...

Safely into Germany and then the driving really began. Those of you who have not experienced a German autobahn, imagine it as the ultimate drivers adrenalin rush, combined with some of the most precisely executed hand signals you are ever likely to give! Special choons are required in order to maintain a steady average speed of about ***mph whilst avoiding BMW's and Mercs doing 140 - 180 mph!

Germany eventually became Denmark (a particularly impressive stage was driven by Dan up to the border, averaging ***mph over 20 miles!) and the pace was relaxed to take us the last 100 miles to Billund, the village that happens to contain Lego Land.

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Lego Land. Lets look at this.

Not exactly on our way, and not exactly the place you would expect us to turn up. Oh, alright, so it is the sort of place we would go. Anyway, 20 years ago, the scene of rejection for a 7 year old Dan Chick, considered by the authorities of that totalitarian state too young to try and qualify for his Lego Land Drivers licence.

A 20 year old vendetta. Two desperados. A town full of plastic people made out of little knobbly blocks (a bit like Swansea). This time it's personal. It could get nasty...

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On arrival in Billund, we headed straight for the town centre to check out potential night life and refreshment. Then we turned round and tried again. Having shot through the town for the 3rd time without having seen a single living person, let alone a bar or shop, we pulled up in what the map said was the town centre and went for a wander.

It's hard to describe Billund. With architecture inspired entirely by the little plastic building blocks that they make there, it has the feel of a Duplo Steven King book. It has a sinister quietness about it, like a ghost town only just abandoned. A Mary Celeste of a town. Very Odd.

After a thorough search we found signs of life in the worlds cleanest Kebab shop, staffed entirely by Danish Super Models. The day was not getting any less surreal! A few enquiries as to night life ("You're not from round these parts are your sire?! Stay off the moors!" etc etc) and we discovered that the towns only bar was in fact 'The Highlander - Traditional English Pub'. 1100 miles and all we can find is a tacky Weatherspoons replica!

A couple of burgers later and the search for a campsite led us to Europe's most deserted camp site. As it was getting dark we decided to get the tent up quickly before walking the 2 miles back into the centre of the ghost town for a pint.

Then we changed our minds and checked into the 4 star Lego Land hotel. Camping-Schmamping...

A bit of good old English Charm at the check in, followed by an explanation of just how badly Dan snores, and a suite was found for us, with living room / dining room and, importantly, beds in separate rooms with a big heavy door between them. Having established that all of the Bang and Olufsen equipment in the room was probably too well attached to bring home - including the rather funky shower phone and the pictures on the wall - we settled for shoving a Hotel Lego Land bottle opener and the entire contents of the bathroom into our bags.

And then Al found the chest of Lego - he maintains that his creation was an Oriental garden (there will be a picture on the site shortly so you can make your own minds up on that one) - and was on the verge of ringing reception to request some more blue building blocks, when the call of the hotel bar became to strong and it was decided that some rather potent Danish Beer needed quaffing.

Hmmm, rather potent that stuff. A glass was raised to the 2 co-drivers who couldn't make it with the second Mini - Al Bassett and Drunkan Beattie - and the serious topic of why all Danish women are quite so gorgeous was disseminated into the early hours. Drunk and stumbling, we made it back to our suite in time to write / scrawl yesterdays email and watch an interview with Play Mate of the year 2002 (no, really, she has a lovely personality).

1100 miles, and on the same latitude as Edinburgh. It looks like we may be finally getting somewhere.

Thanks for all your emails and messages of derision and laughter, as well as the few genuine well wishers! Keep 'em coming!

More soon....

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